I think to myself that all I feel is tired, but that isn’t the whole truth. I also feel the weight of depression hanging close by like a dense fog. They tend to go together, stuck like velcro, or super glue accidentally dripped on fingers, unnoticed until it is too late to wipe away.
The chemical imbalance in my brain, bible time and prayer, gratitude journaled, medications taken, healthy meals eaten, water drunk, time spent outside pulling a few weeds and walking the bluffs above the ocean. The inventory scrolls through my mind, each item checked off and still the icy, heavy cloud reaches to enfold.
“You need to pray more. You don’t have enough faith. You should spend more time in your bible. Just praise and thank God, He’ll take it away.” I do these things and I have done them for so long, and still this darkness comes.
God is God. He cannot be manipulated. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours… God is Holy. God is all powerful and has all knowledge.
Joseph’s story shows God knows what He is doing is best. Always. Joseph didn’t know. His brothers didn’t know. I don’t know. You don’t know. We are all living in the middle of our stories.
God holds my story in His hands. I choose to trust, to wait, to hope, and to yield to His timing and move when He shows the next step.
Over the years we’ve learned more about diseases, physical and mental. Things once considered by the holy people to be the result of sin in Jesus day, blindness, being lame, widowed, childless, has long since been proven and accepted as an illness. However, it seems harder for many to consider depression truly an illness, rather than a sign of spiritual weakness.
As I fight to be healthy, to keep the cloud at bay, I don’t need another uber health guru or holier-than-thou who has never experienced depression to layer another slab of blame and guilt talk on my already burdened psyche. “If one part is suffering, then all the members suffer…” I need encouragement, understanding, prayer, and support.
We have the privilege of encouraging and supporting each other in our challenges. As a body of believers, we have the example of the human body working together to be able to accomplish living. No part or person is better, or more exalted, than any other part. One of our joys is to build each other up. It is how we are to be known, by our love for each other.
1 Corinthians12:14-27 The Voice
14 Here’s what I mean: the body is not made of one large part but of many different parts. 15 Would it seem right for the foot to cry, “I am not a hand, so I couldn’t be part of this body”? Even if it did, it wouldn’t be any less joined to the body.
16 And what about an ear? If an ear started to whine, “I am not an eye; I shouldn’t be attached to this body,” in all its pouting, it is still part of the body. 17 Imagine the entire body as an eye. How would a giant eye be able to hear? And if the entire body were an ear, how would an ear be able to smell?
18 This is where God comes in. God has meticulously put this body together; He placed each part in the exact place to perform the exact function He wanted. 19 If all members were a single part, where would the body be? 20 So now, many members function within the one body.
21 The eye cannot wail at the hand, “I have no need for you,” nor could the head bellow at the feet, “I won’t go one more step with you.” 22 It’s actually the opposite. The members who seem to have the weaker functions are necessary to keep the body moving; 23 the body parts that seem less important we treat as some of the most valuable; and those unfit, untamed, unpresentable members we treat with an even greater modesty.
24 That’s something the more presentable members don’t need. But God designed the body in such a way that greater significance is given to the seemingly insignificant part. 25 That way there should be no division in the body; instead, all the parts mutually depend on and care for one another.
26 If one part is suffering, then all the members suffer alongside it. If one member is honored, then all the members celebrate alongside it.
27 You are the body of the Anointed, the Liberating King; each and every one of you is a vital member.