There are some experiences in my life which have left me completely puzzled as to what purpose they served. I’m quite sure I am not the only one who has, is, or will find themselves puzzling over some particular episode. The continued process for me becomes, what did this life lesson teach me, have I learned anything, is it possible to come away with lessons learned? Or will I lose my footing once again on the slippery slope of self-recrimination, listening to the voices of my past as they tell me again how little I matter.
The last few days have been more of the challenging kind. We made another trip to Stanford for two days in a row of balance physical therapy appointments, and I’ve been continuing the process of decreasing one medication — on the fast track. As the medication filters out of my system, I discover just how much pain was actually being controlled. I am rediscovering pain that has been masked for several years. I share this because there are times I may miss a day or two of posting, usually due to extreme symptoms that make it difficult to think and process.
I want to share this with you as I know many of you are suffering from an abundance of pain and loss. And there are days when you feel you cannot take one more of anything, no matter what that might represent. Too often for me, I feel like my last nerve is stretched so tight that with one more pull it will snap! Or my head feels like it has been filled with cement, and my ability to think, process, respond are hiding out in either the next century or the last century, take your pick!
“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show the surpassing power belongs to God and not us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:6-10 English Standard Version
The Apostle Paul knew what it was like to be at the mercy of illness, physical losses, discouragement, and personal attacks; he knew life when it attacked. And just like us he also needed to be encouraged. He was an encourager time and time again, pointing us to Jesus! In my life, I have learned all things must find themselves in Jesus, especially my faith, the truth, my value — who I am, and the person God is recreating me to become. These are my lessons learned. Life is never a sprint; it is always a marathon, something of which I constantly need to be reminded.
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